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I have an unhealthy relationship with the lunch room vending machine.

We met on my first tour of the building. I knew I’d be back, and I knew he’d be there waiting. Where it all went wrong, I couldn’t say, but I know I should have broken it off sooner while I still had some dignity. 

  • week 1 – I spent $0.85 on rippled potato chips – deliciously fresh and salty. I also visited his neighbor for a soda — icy cold and refreshing.
  • week 2 – He rejects my dollar bill, even though the “please use coins” is NOT lit. I scrape together some quarters.
  • week 3 – He’s taking dollars, sure…and holding them till I select a snack before spitting them back out. I make change out of the water jug in which one of the teacher’s is collecting change for a mission trip to South America. The pretzels are good, but I’m getting dirty looks in the lunch room. It was a paper dollar for four quarters, folks.
  • week 4 – I’m ready. I’m armed with plenty of change, and I want the Famous Amos cookies.  The “make another choice” light flashes. Whaa?! There are six bags right there!! The honeymoon is definitely OVER.
  • week 5 – After another fruitless attempt at the cookies, I settled for sugar wafers. Hmmmmm, chewy and faintly metallic….expiration date May 2011. Ouch.

Today…. I was this close to having a bag of chips, but the bag WOULDN’T FALL. I clung to the front glass. I shook him. Nothing. Just a cold stare and a dangling bag of chips….taunting me as I walked away, empty handed.

UPDATE: The new student teacher passed me in the hall with TWO bags of chips. I guess somebody has a new girlfriend.